Most arguments aren't disagreements.
They're two people
answering questions
the other person didn't ask.
You think you understood them.
You didn't, quite.
So you respond to the thing
you imagined they said,
and now you're both frustrated
and neither of you knows why.
There's a simple fix
that feels almost too simple.
Before you respond,
repeat it back.
"So what I'm hearing is..."
"Let me make sure I've got this..."
Then say their point
in your own words,
and let them correct you.
Half the time
they'll say "no, not quite,"
and clarify —
and you just avoided
an argument about nothing.
The other half,
they'll feel truly heard,
maybe for the first time
in the whole conversation,
and the tension drops
before you've even made your case.
It costs you ten seconds
and a little bit of ego.
It saves you
the entire pointless fight.
Repeat it back
before you respond.
Understand first.
Then reply.
– Asael Shinder
