👋 I'm Parsa Jiravand — I work in IT, and this is Best Practice. One article every day, one soft-skills episode every week. It all lives at bestpractic.org — come join us.
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It's your fourth day. Someone has just added you to a channel with two hundred people in it, three of whom are arguing about a service you've never heard of, and the argument appears to be important. Your manager asks if you have any questions.
You say no.
You say no because you genuinely don't have any. Not because you understand — you understand almost nothing — but because you don't yet know enough to form a question. Questions need a shape to hang on. You don't have a shape yet. You have a wall of unfamiliar nouns.
And here's the thing nobody mentions: that "no" is the most expensive word you'll say all month.
What's actually going on
There's a window when you start somewhere new where you can ask literally anything and it costs you nothing. Why do we deploy on Tuesdays. What does that acronym mean. Who decides this. Why is this file called that. Why does everyone go quiet when this one system comes up.
In week one those questions are charming. You're new. Of course you don't know.
Somewhere around week three — and it's genuinely never announced — the same question stops being charming and starts being a small withdrawal from your credibility. Not a catastrophe. Just a tiny cost, where a week earlier there was none.
Nobody tells you the window is closing. There's no meeting about it. You find out afterwards, when you ask something in month two and there's a half-second pause before the answer.
So the whole game of your first two weeks is: spend that window deliberately, before it prices itself.
The problem is that week one is exactly when you're least able to. You don't know what to ask. That's not a personal failing, it's just the order things happen in — understanding arrives after exposure, not before.
Which means you need a way to ask good questions before you're capable of having them.
What actually works
Write down everything that confuses you. All of it. Immediately.
Not "make a note of anything important." Every acronym you nodded at. Every time someone said a system name like you'd know it. Every moment you lost the thread of a conversation and pretended you hadn't.
Keep it in one file. Don't organise it. Don't be embarrassed by it.
Two things happen with that list.
The first is that about half of it answers itself by week three. You'll cross things out without ever asking, and that's the list doing its job — it stopped you spending questions on things that were about to become obvious.
The second is the one people don't expect. The half that doesn't answer itself is the most valuable document produced by anyone on your team that quarter.
Because every onboarding doc in existence is written by someone who has forgotten what it's like not to know. That's not laziness — it's genuinely not possible to remember. Once a thing is obvious to you, the version of you that found it confusing is gone. You get about three weeks of being the only person in the building who can see the gaps, and then you lose it too, permanently.
So write it down while you can still see it. Then hand it over. It's the highest-value thing you'll produce in your first month, and it costs you nothing except noticing.
Then, the actual sentence to use.
When someone explains something and you've caught roughly sixty percent of it, don't say "sorry, could you repeat that?"
Say: "Can I play that back and check I've got it?" — and then say your sixty percent version out loud.
The reason this works is mechanical rather than clever. You've asked them to correct a summary instead of repeat themselves. People find correcting easy and mildly pleasant. People find repeating themselves irritating, even when they're being nice about it. Same information, completely different transaction.
And you get a bonus: their correction tells you exactly which forty percent you were missing, which a repeat wouldn't have.
And one more, for the meeting where you're lost.
"Can I ask a basic one — when you say [thing], do you mean the service or the team?"
The words "can I ask a basic one" do real work. You've pre-labelled the question as beginner-level, which means nobody has to decide whether you should have known. You've taken the judgement off the table before anyone made it.
Where this backfires
Questions read as engaged in month one and helpless in month six. Same behaviour, same person, opposite interpretation. The switch is real and silent.
So the confusion list has a second job: it's also a record of what you've already been told. If you ask the same thing twice, you didn't have a question — you had a note-taking problem, and that's the one people do quietly hold against you.
The other failure is subtler. Some people use the question window to perform being new — asking things to demonstrate humility, or to be seen participating. It doesn't land. People can tell the difference between someone gathering information and someone gathering approval, even if they couldn't tell you how.
Ask because you want the answer. That's the whole test.
The part that isn't fair
A chunk of how your first month goes is down to whether your manager has time. That's it. That's the variable.
If they've got space, you get context, you get told which arguments matter, someone tells you who to actually ask. If they're underwater — reorg, a launch, their own manager leaking pressure downward — you get none of that, and you'll interpret it as you failing to integrate.
It isn't. It's capacity. It has almost nothing to do with you and you will almost certainly take it personally anyway.
The thing you can do about it: get your context from more than one person. Find whoever's been there about two years — long enough to know how things work, recent enough to remember being confused. They're usually more useful than anyone senior, and they've almost always got more time.
And notice this, because it's the real map: who do people go to when they're stuck? That person is rarely the one the org chart suggests. Every company has someone three levels down who actually knows how everything fits together. Finding them in your first month is worth more than any onboarding document.
Small company, big company
If you've joined a startup, you'll be shipping on day two. There is no onboarding. You'll feel behind constantly because there's no defined "up to speed" to reach — and the questions window is shorter, maybe a week, because everyone's underwater and the tolerance for interruption is lower. Batch your questions. Ask five at once rather than five times.
If you've joined somewhere large, week one is compliance training and laptop setup and you will feel completely useless. That's not a bad sign, it's the shape of the place. Your window is longer — a month, sometimes two — but there's a different trap: it's genuinely possible to go six weeks without doing anything, and nobody will stop you, and then suddenly you're the person who's been here six weeks and hasn't shipped.
The mistake in both directions is judging yourself against the other one's timeline. Startup people feel slow at big companies. Big-company people feel reckless at startups. Neither is a character flaw. It's just a different clock.
Monday
Open a file. Call it whatever you want.
Every time this week you nod at something you don't understand, write the thing down. Don't clean it up, don't organise it, don't decide whether it's a stupid one.
At the end of the week, cross off what's answered itself. Take three of what's left to whoever's been there two years.
That's it. That's the whole practice, and it's the difference between arriving somewhere and understanding it.
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