Why We Fall Harder for People Who Avoid Us

Have you ever noticed that the people who give us the least attention sometimes occupy the most space in our minds?
It feels like love, but often it's something deeper: the desire to be seen.
When someone avoids us, ignores our messages, or seems emotionally unavailable, our mind starts searching for answers. We begin wondering what we did wrong, what we can change, and how we can finally earn their attention. The less recognition we receive, the more valuable it starts to feel.
Psychology calls this intermittent reinforcement. When attention comes rarely or unpredictably, our brains can become even more attached to receiving it. A single reply, a brief smile, or a moment of warmth can feel incredibly rewarding because it is so scarce.
But beneath that attraction is often a simple human need:
"I want to be acknowledged."
We don't just want the person. We want the feeling that we matter to them.
Sometimes the obsession is not about love at all. It's about proving to ourselves that we are worthy of being chosen, noticed, and valued.
The difficult truth is that recognition earned through constant chasing rarely brings lasting peace. Real connection grows where attention is given freely, not where it must be endlessly pursued.
The healthiest relationships are not the ones that leave us questioning our worth.
They are the ones that quietly remind us of it.
"The strongest attraction is not always toward the person who loves us the most, but toward the person whose recognition we believe we still need to earn."