The current situation is odd, and I am not sure how to tackle it.
Getting laid off by Dynatrace was a first in my career.
Although I am enjoying this extended time off, it has a strange feeling to it.
Garden leave ends in June, and I am planning to extend my off time by two more months, just to enjoy a summer with my kids.
I am looking forward to this, but there is still this feeling of being lost.
Before, I had goals focusing around my project, bringing it forward, moving on, increasing visibility.
I am still trying to expose OpenFeature to the outside, still generating new talk ideas, pushing what OpenFeature in combination with OpenTelemetry can do.
But still there is a hole, and this hole is hard to fill.
I miss my daily check-ins with fellow engineers, discussing ideas, problems, improvements.
Figuring out a way to grow and to help others grow.
Actively engaging with a community on a regular basis, driving topics which benefit the overall community, but with a purpose, a goal, not just for the fact of doing it.
This goal is something I am currently missing.
I feel like I have achieved what I dreamed about back in the days.
Ten years ago I looked up to the people speaking at conferences, doing open source, sharing their insights, driving the community.
I feel like I reached that point.
The question is now: what is the topic, and how will it be sustainable for me in the long run.
The community has shown me that my way of engaging, collaborating, driving, and mentoring is something valuable.
The outreach and possibilities following my layoff announcement have been incredible.
A lot of great opportunities, but still the bigger question remains: is this my goal, or what is my goal.
I feel like the layoff is also something really positive.
I was in the comfort zone, and I was there for a long time.
A comfort zone where I chose when to exit, and to what discomfort.
Maybe too comfortable.
As Kent Beck would call it: the Forest, where you pick what you want to work on.
I see this layoff as a new way to grow.
The current void is nagging me.
Too scared to fully commit to being independent, unsure if I want full employment again.
What will my life be after September, after this year.
For now I am trying to summarize my thoughts here.
Writing feels like a nice way of reflection.
And I feel like we try not to talk about the uncomfortable things that much, although everyone is sometimes in this kind of limbo.
Maybe reading how others cope with it could help.
Anyways, this is my current state.
If you want to grab a coffee, virtual or in-person, let me know.
Let's see what the next months will bring.
There is a lot moving.
Till then, I am dancing the limbo.
