I've been applying for jobs for three months with a resume I thought was solid. A senior recruiter friend finally told me to run it through an AI roaster.
Seven problems. In two minutes.
Problem 1: The Objective statement
🔥 The Roast: "Seeking a challenging position where I can utilize my skills and contribute to organizational goals" is the resume equivalent of saying you're a 'people person.' It describes every human being who has ever applied for a job."
The fix: Delete the objective section entirely. Replace with a 2-line summary stating your role, specialization, and one result. Or skip the summary too.
Problem 2: Duties instead of results
🔥 The Roast: "Responsible for managing social media accounts" is a job description, not an achievement. The hiring manager already knows the job involves managing social media — they wrote the posting."
The fix:
- Before: "Responsible for managing social media accounts"
- After: "Grew Instagram following from 2K to 18K in 8 months through daily short-form video content"
Formula: [Action verb] + [specific thing you did] + [measurable result]
Problem 3: No numbers anywhere
Zero numbers in my entire experience section. Not one percentage, team size, budget, or timeline.
The fix: Go through every bullet and ask "how much?", "how many?", "by what percentage?" Even rough numbers are better than none.
Problems 4-7 (quick hits)
- Skills section padding: "Microsoft Office, teamwork, communication" — list actual tools, platforms, languages
- Too long: 3 pages for 4 years of experience. Should be 1 page.
- Passive verbs: "Was responsible for", "helped with" → replace with: led, built, launched, grew, reduced
- No white space: Margins at 0.4 inches, font at 10pt — unreadable on screen
Check yours
Most of these problems are invisible until someone points them out. Two minutes with an AI roaster will tell you more than three months of no responses.
📋 Roast My Resume — Paste your resume. Get brutal, specific feedback — free preview, $2 full report with rewrites.
Originally published at conker.tools/blog/roast-my-resume
